This is why you must stop comparing to people and start living your own authentic life.

Photo by Jordan Steranka on Unsplash

Lately, I have been catching myself comparing to others. A lot. It's been happening everywhere - at work, with my friends and with people that I don't even know. At work for example, I have been having the feeling that some of my coworkers have way more energy than I do which makes them work so much more than me without feeling exhausted. Also, all my friends from high-school are getting married, are having babies, are buying their first home, their first luxurious car. On the Internet, I have the feeling that we see everywhere millionaires and billionaires. Honestly, I am so fed up with all these titles “How I became a millionaire in one year?”, “How I earned my first million at 20”, “Buying my first mansion at 19!”. Okay guys, we got it! You have it all – the car, the house, the business, the kids. You got the purpose of life and now, I wonder what you are going to do until the rest of your life. If at 20 you have everything, you can retire and go to the Maldives and spend your millions there...

So, yeah, it is not easy to not compare yourself to others in this modern era where it seems that everybody is living their best life. Sometimes, I truly ask myself if I epically misunderstood something early on in my life and this is the reason why now mine is completely different than those others show me on FB or than the life I imagined for myself when I was a teenager. At some point, I even started questioning all the decisions I had made until now – my job, my priorities, my choices of a partner... Really everything. And even though I still think that it is a good thing to ask ourselves from time to time why we did something and not something else, just to remember the main reason for it and see if we are still on the right path, I believe it is very destructive to think that maybe our life is a big failure only because it doesn't look like others' lives.

I can more easily understand now the people who say “F**k everything, I am going to live in the mountains!” at least there, they don't have to see all these triggering images of “perfect lives and perfect people”. But this is also a form of an escape from the reality. It doesn't solve the basic issue – how do we find our own place of peace (mental and physical) in this big material world? This is the real challenge of life itself, I'd say. And it is a work in progress. It never ends. We constantly have to make efforts to not forget the real reasons for our decisions and choices, the real reasons why we are what we are right now and why we are not something else.

After thinking for a longtime about the topic of comparing to others, discussing it with very close friends of mine and reminding myself that this is a very unhealthy habit, I finally found my peace (for now). So here I give you the conclusions I came to according to this topic.

First, we need to stop having unrealistic expectations about ourselves.

People have different skills, talents, interests, strengths and this is something we should accept and stop obsessing about.

Yes, I would like to be a very successful artist – singer, actress, painter, dancer you name it, but I am not a very creative person. I love arts. I admire people who do arts but I know that this could not be my professional path. I can only admire it and that is all. I also want to look like a Victoria's Secret model because I work out a lot ( you can read my blogpost What did working out teach me about life?) but being a model is not my permanent job and if I can get to the gym 4 times per week, this is great, and if I can resist the cookies at the office for at least a couple of days, this is a true victory. I would also have been probably happy if I was a millionaire by now, but I am not. I have to think about how and where I spend my money ( you can read this article here : Why is saving money important? 15 tips to save money) and this is how it is. For now. It doesn't mean that I will never be one. And even then, I would still think about how and where I spend my money. This is a question of personal beliefs and values.

Now, let see the family situation. My favorite topic! I believe that everything happens when we are ready for it. But tell this to the people around me while they are all getting married.

Well, I don't have kids, I am not married, I am not even in a relationship. People ask me why. Honestly, I think this is the stupidest question one could ask. Because I haven't found the right person yet! It is obvious. People, please wake up and think a little more! And also, being in a relationship is not really a priority in my life right now.

Well, you see that I have many flaws and still many things to do in my life. But I am so excited for the future! And so should be you! We need to stop having unrealistic expectations for ourselves and just see what we have right now and what we can do with it. Thinking about others and how their life is better than ours is unhealthy. It is a waste of time and energy. It only makes us feel like we failed, like we are not good enough. But our life is still not over. No need to be in a rush. We have so much time to get everything we want. We just need to be patient and hard working. We need to have this peaceful calm faith in the future. You don't need to know how things will happen, just have faith that they will happen.

People have different priorities in life.

You look at people on Instangram who travel the world, who are in a different country every month and you wish, you were like them. I used to do it. ( How to travel on a budget and why this will completely change your life, Why is solo traveling your path to self-discovery?) But at the same time, now I realize that I want to travel as much as I can, but I don't see myself switching planes and countries every month and living in hotel rooms. I love my small apartment. I love the feeling of being at home, of being cozy on a rainy Saturday in MY bed. This is important to me. Some people want to have a family and this is their priority in life. I don't understand it but we are all different. Others are able to give everything for their job. They would work 18 hours per day just to get this promotion, to get this first million.

So, we all need to sit down in silence and ask ourselves “What are my priorities in life? What is important to me? How do I imagine my life in 10 years? What should I do to get there? Am I ready to give up on that only to get this?”. The social pressure is real. People constantly keep saying “You need to find a job that pays well. You need to find a spouse. What about kids, you are 30 already! It is time to settle down.”. This is just noise. Don't listen to it and do your own thing that gives you the chills! You know the best what is good for you.

We are all put in different life conditions and our job is to get the best out of them.

Last week I met a guy who was 22 and was the CEO of a company which earns millions per year. When he told me that I said “Wow, when I was 22 I was babysitting!”. It is true that at that moment I felt like I have missed something out. I wondered why I hadn't started my own company at this age instead of taking care of children after my classes. The truth is that it had never occurred to my mind. I had never thought about it when I was 22. Probably, if I knew someone who was the CEO of a big company and he/she was 23, I would had thought about it. But it was not the case.

The truth is that we all born and live through our entire lives in different life conditions. Some people were born in families where they immediately had access to money, culture, business, sales, sports, regular trips abroad and that had oriented theirs life choices. Others, didn't have this opportunity but at some moment in their life they met someone who influenced them in some way and pushed them to do what they are doing now. At some point or another, they were in a situation which was profitable for them and created a huge opportunity for growth. And they gabbed this opportunity!

We all have different life paths. For some people things happen faster or earlier in life, for others later. For some, never. All we need to know is that everything happens when we are ready for it. You can change your life at any moment. Our job is to make the best we can with the conditions and the opportunities life gave to us. They are different for everybody and this is why we all have different life experiences.

We see only one side of people's life.

We see beautiful and successful people everywhere and how they have all figured it out. At least, this is how it looks from the outside. But this is only one side of their life. We don't know what happens behind closed doors. We don't know if they don't have some family or health issues. Maybe they live in permanent stress and anxiety. Maybe they don't have friends. Maybe whatever they are doing, they do it for someone else, to prove something. Maybe they are unhappy. We don't know. One thing is sure – everybody has problems no matter how perfect their life seems to be.

The FOMO (fear of missing out) is unrealistic. And ridiculous.

Yes, sometimes I do think that probably I have missed out so many things and then, I think that this is ridiculous because I am only 28. But even if I was older, I think that the FOMO is completely unrealistic. We live in a world where we see new things coming out every single day – technology, books, life gurus, trends, diets... Once you get somethings, it is already too late because something else is on the market. Actually the FOMO does not exist and has never existed. This is something created by the corporate world making us believe that we need to consume more and more in order to fit in the society. It makes you believe that if you are not a millionaire by 30, you are a failure. This is a false pressure built on illusions of successes and self-worth.

Comparing ourselves to others is also unrealistic. Believing that other people's life is better than yours is unrealistic too. Their life could be better in some aspects but we need to look at the whole picture and for most of the people we compare to, we don't have it. If you end up realizing that you are not happy, you should ask yourself “why” but your feeling of unhappiness and unfulfillment shouldn't be based on comparisons but on your own inner need to do something else, to be somewhere else. The best way to hear your inner voice is to stop listening to the noise out there. Stop looking at these Instagram pics, at these YouTube videos promising you to become a millionaire in a year. Stop and just listen to yourself. You know the best what you want in life. We are not missing out anything. We are exactly where we should be.

Comparing could be positive only when it motivates you to go out of your comfort.

Although, I think that comparing to other people is a very bad idea, there is one positive thing about that and this could be motivation. But be aware! The line between the self-destructive habit and the powerful motivational/inspiring example is very fine. Not many people could find it.

Looking at other folks and at theirs achievements could be a very positive thing which gives us the motivation, the inspiration and the inner power to go out there and have the confidence that we also can do it. It gives us the chills, the vibes, the goosebumps that push us to be better, stronger, wiser, bolder, confident. This is actually the way we should look at people who we think have achieved more than us. We should not “compare” thinking how small, stupid and weak we are, but instead of that get inspired and motivated, say “Hey, if you can do it, so can I!” Every other way of thinking about people's achievements is pointless, self-destructive and it keeps us pretty far away from our goals.

Actually, after all, again, everything is a question of mindset and how we see things in life. If we think of ourselves as dumb, ugly, unfortunate and miserable, well, this is what we are. Seeing other people “succeeding” could only be triggering if we haven't deal with our personal wounds at first place. First, we must believe that we are smart, strong, intelligent, capable of anything, successful and only then, we can get “inspired” by others' achievements. We should first get clear with ourselves and with who we truly are and what we truly want from life and why. I know, these are too many and too difficult questions maybe to answer, but they are the holly base. Without answering them, we will always get lost, we will always be negative and will think that this world is a crappy place with crappy people. And the best part is that by answering these existential questions, we go a huge step further to our life purpose, to what we are really meant to be.

And finally, it is a cliché, but we really need to learn how to love ourselves and how to have an authentic life without thinking that the grass is greener on the other side.

We are so hard on ourselves every single day. I am so hard on myself every single day (you can read this article about being perfect here : Be smart and stop trying to be perfect). Life is too short, too beautiful, too adventurous and surprising to treat ourselves like crap daily. We deserve so much more than that. We have the right to treat ourselves like kings and queens. Because you know what? Who is the king/the queen of your life? It is not the president. It is not your mother. It is not your cousin nor your neighbor. It is not the life guru you follow on the Internet. It is YOU. You and only you. If you don't love yourself, nobody will. If you don't compliment yourself, nobody will. If you don't care about yourself, nobody will. Congratulate yourself for the small victories. Eat a pizza for the big ones. Everybody has their own authentic life path. You too. Believe that yours is the best for you. Even if you think it is too long, too difficult, too rocky, too muddy or too foggy. It surely teaches you so many things that transform you in a great authentic human being having his/her own incredible impact on the planet. I believe this for myself. I try. Love, Elena