Be smart and stop trying to be perfect
Photo by Matthias Heil on Unsplash |
In my first post What does "authentic"mean? I talked
a little bit about perfection and how is not possible to achieve it
and you just have to let go of this insane idea. Why? Keep
reading!
Let me first tell you my
story and how I learned to embrace and bless my imperfections.
When I was younger, I was
trying really really hard to be perfect in everything I was doing. I
had to be the perfect student, the perfect girl, the perfect
daughter, the perfect sister (no, not this one, I still love teasing
my sister), the perfect grand-daughter, you name it. And for some
time I was almost there, I was almost achieving the perfection, in my
opinion. I say “almost” because we never actually do, it
is always “almost”. And maybe you think that I was happy about
that, about being “almost perfect”. Well, I was more exhausted
then happy. I was so hard on myself every time I was not perfect,
every time I was “not good enough'', every time I thought I could
do better. I was living my days worrying about not being on
the highest level, worrying that some other people are better
than me and that I have to try harder so I could achieve their
level... oh wait! no! Their level is not good enough anymore, it has
to be even higher. Well, actually I had to be “the best”.
Now I realize how selfish this was.
Focus on what is positive.
Why do I say that this is
selfish? Well, if you think about people who are perfectionist, they
are never satisfied with what they have done, even if it is
great. These are people who deep inside are very insecure and
scared about who they truly are. Perfectionists tend to be always
focused on what is wrong and not on what is right. They look for
the things they think they screwed up. As I said, they “look for
them”, they want to find them. This is a very conscious process.
Do not seek for approval.
So where is the
selfishness? The big ego part is that perfectionists are very
self-centered. They think too much about people's opinion. How
people will say that their work is great, how they are awesome, how
their house is perfect – the furniture, the colors of the walls...
everything. The real truth is that all this means that they are
constantly seeking for people's approval.
Cherish the baby-steps.
Perfectionists also think
always that something must be fixed. This is very sad because
they are often completely incapable to cherish the simple moments of
joy, the small victories, the baby-steps. They always tend to think
that this is just not enough. Baby-steps... hell no! I want
big gorilla steps immediately! Well, often life does not work this
way.
Stop comparing to others.
The other thing about
perfectionists is that they always compare to other people.
And this is a huge problem. You can very easily go into depression if
you constantly look at other people's work and compare to them. You
will always find someone who is better then you. This is the
brutal reality. You are not “the best” and you have stop thinking
and focusing on that. Focus on the fact that you are a unique
authentic person and this is what makes you different from the
others. Look at yourself and not at other people. Love your work,
love yourself and be grateful that you even had the chance to do what
you have done. Love it because it is yours, because you did it!
The hard truth.
Back to my story, it did
not take a long time until I understood that I was not the smartest
and I will never be, I was not the funniest, not the most pretty,
that not everybody is supposed to like me (this was a hard one!),
that even if I am trying to give my best, for someone is always going
to be “not good enough”, that I can not change what people think
and that I am not going to be “the best”. All these revealings
were so devastating to me so I got really depressed, for a
very long time. My ego crashed and it became so small, so tiny
that I thought it had completely disappeared. I started thinking that
I sucked and that it was completely ridiculous of me thinking that I
could be perfect. It is really hard to understand that you are
just a simple human being with pains, insecurities, weaknesses and
fears like everybody else.
Yes, that is right! Like
everybody else. And actually these pains, insecurities, weaknesses
and fears make us stronger and real, authentic, even great. By
that time I couldn't realize that. It did not make sens. It is
controversial. Your weakness can not make you stronger. Could it?
Yes, it could! How?
Change your perspective.
By accepting it and
transforming it into a great power. And so, this is what I did. I
just accepted the things as they were – I am not the smartest, not
the most pretty, not the funniest, not the most intelligent, not
whatever. But I am me and there is no one else like me on this world.
I am one and I am unique. And so are you.
Did I have a choice
when I decided to accept my imperfections and that even if I work
really hard, my work will never be perfect? Yes, I did. We always
have a choice. I could have chosen to continue living with the insane
idea of perfection. But I chose myself as I am, instead. You
can not change something which is not possible to change. The only
person you can change is yourself, the only vision you can change is
yours, the only opinion you can change is yours and you don’t have
to bother about others' opinions. Everybody has the right to have an
opinion even if you don't like it. This is just the way it is. It is
not in your business. Your life is your business.
Do you have to give up?
You will never be perfect
but that does not mean that you can not get better. You can
and this is what you have to do. Work more, exercise more, do the
best you can do and do not be hard on yourself if you don't get the
best result. Because you do get the best result. The best
result for you. Knowing that you did everything you could and then
just letting go of the expectations, is so liberating. It
allows you to breath again. Trying to do the best you could is
amazing! And we always have to do it, we always have to go “all
in”.
And do not forget that we are humans and we make mistakes. If we don’t make
mistakes, we don’t learn. If we don’t learn, we don’t grow. If
we don’t grow, we die (maybe not physically but on a mental and
on an emotional level, for sure)! Simple!
Shake it off!
Have you ever asked
yourself why people love kids? Because they are fun, they are doing
“silly” “childish” things, they are honest, they are joyful,
they are not scared of singing or dancing on the street and we find
this adorable. They are real, authentic. Unfortunately, adults
think too much. So stop thinking too much and shake it off! We
all like seeing real people, who are not perfect, who make mistakes
or fully enjoy their life with no regrets even if others call them
weirdoos. That reminds us that we are not the only ones not being
perfect (yes, it's again a bit selfish).
Be vulnerable.
This is also why when
someone is telling us about their difficult past, we like it. We
don’t like it because we are happy this person has suffered, we
like it because this person is being honest. And this is how
we build a connection, a real authentic connection.
Saying out loud that you too have bad days, that you suck at
something, that you failed at some point in your life, make you being
vulnerable. And being vulnerable is the most powerful thing in the
world!
I remember when I was a
child, I was so scared of asking questions to my teachers because I
didn't want them to know that I don't understand or I don't know
something. So I preferred to go back home and struggle alone in my
room to understand what I couldn't at school and spend hours and
hours, instead of just asking. Now I realize how ridiculous this is.
I spent so much precious time. I still see people who are afraid to
ask a question, I am still afraid sometimes to ask a question because
I think that maybe it is a stupid one and everybody is going to laugh
at me. Well, there are no stupid questions. Do not pretend to know
when you don't because this is actually what makes you look
stupid. It is far better and smarter to ask. Nobody knows everything
and in fact, the more you know, you less you know.
It's funny, but showing
your weaknesses is your biggest strength. Why is that? It's
because you accept it as it is and you know that even if you have bad
days, you suck at something and you failed once or twice or a
million times, you can get over it, you are strong enough and you
will find a way to go out of the woods. And you evolve, you grow and
it's beautiful, it is, not almost, but simply perfect! Don't
be too hard on yourself, “life is too short to be taken too
seriously”. Love, Elena
I love that when you say you just accepted things as they were, and then work from there. Great message! <3 - From Spiritual-Dev
ReplyDelete