Life lessons I learned after my surgery.

Photo by Leonardo Wong on Unsplash

It happened so fast. Too fast. I went to work in the morning. Everything was fine. I was laughing with my coworkers. In the afternoon, I had an appointment with my ophthalmologist. I had been so busy and tired for the last month. I had been working so hard. I thought that the black spot that I had been seeing in the corner of my right eye was because I needed some rest.

Well, it looked that I needed a surgery! An urgent one! The very same day!

I had retinal detachment. At the age of 28. I was literally shocked! The doctors were saying that I could lose my sight, that they couldn't guarantee that the surgery would be successful and I didn't have any other choice but to do it and to pray it would work out.

I still remember myself sitting in the hospital (my first time), alone, not knowing what is going to happen in a few hours and how my life would completely change from now on. It is a pretty scary feeling. The unknown. I wanted to cry but I couldn't. I was shocked, stressed, frightened and at the same time very peaceful. While I was sitting and waiting to get the surgery, I started looking by the window. It was around 7pm. It was cloudy out there. I was looking at the clouds and for the first time in my life I was consciously aware of it, of them. I was seeing them and I didn't know if that was the last time. I was so grateful that I could see them. When you were born being able to see, you don't really realize how much of a blessing this is. We take it as something normal, like something we are supposed to have by default.

Then, you realize, that we don't have anything in life by default.

Fortunately, my surgery went well and now I am able to see the text I am tipping. However, this was maybe one of the scariest things I went through. It was a period of my life full of many different emotions.

The future was looking more uncertain than ever. The past was gone. I had only the present moment. In that present moment, I felt that whatever it happens afterwords, I needed to be strong, brave and optimistic that everything was for the best.

And today, I believe it was. Even though, I have to pay attention to my eyes until the rest of my life and I am only 29. Even though, I have to give up weight lifting and I love it so much (read this article What did working out teach me about life?). Even though, I have to wear glasses every single day. This was a life-transforming experience for me that I will never forget.

In the busy life of our modern world, we forget to pay attention to the essence of life and to what truly matters. And even though I have been through so much during these last months, sometimes I still forget what is really important to me. This is why, I would like to share what I have learned about life and about myself after this traumatizing experience. I know that we must live some things by our own in order to really understand and apply them in our daily life, but let's this be just a remainder of how amazing life could be. And how amazing we all are.

Everything could change within a minute.

This relates to everything – work, relationships, health, money. The only constant thing in life is change. Never forget that! We don't know what is going to happen tomorrow or in two weeks. My surgery happened the very same day I happily went to work in the morning and was supposed to babysit my colleague's kids in the evening. I was not expecting to end up in a hospital bed with a patch on my eye. It is the same with everything else in life – someone could suddenly get ill, get diagnosed with a severe illness, die. A hurricane, an earthquake, a tornado can destroy your home. Someone could steal your car. You could lose all your money because of a bad investment. You could lose your job because of a stupid mistake. These are just examples. The point is that nothing in life is steady and certain. Nothing. Be aware of it and cherish every single thing and person you have right here and right now. Stop thinking that you hate your job and start thinking and being grateful that first of all, you do have a job and then, if you don't really like it, do something about it.

Just be happy with what you have now and you will always be happy no matter how little it seems to be.

Accept things as they are.

There is no point in asking questions like “Why me? Why not someone else? What did I do to deserve this? What did I do wrong?”. These are questions with no answers. They don't have any importance at all. They can only put you in a state of self-pity. Do not be a victim! You have more important things to deal with right now. Face the reality. Do not deny it. And think what you could clearly do about it. If you can do something in order to change it, do it, if you can not, then have faith and know that there are things that we can not control. The more you try to control them, the more they control you. Release them and have faith. Believe that sooner or later, you will be fine. Be prepared for any possible outcome and make peace with it. It is easier said than done, but what else we could do?

Do not close your eyes for the red flags! Never!

Again, this relates to every area of our life. We always see the red flags. Always! They are always there flashing but we kind of prefer to not care about them. It was the same with my eyes (and all of my broken relationships). I have always been scared to go to the ophthalmologist. There was something very stressful in the way they tell you to look at these letters on the screen and then, you don't see them, and then they give you some extremely strong glasses, and then, 2 years later, the cycle repeats again and the glasses become even thicker. I knew that it was time for me to go to the doctor. I knew it for years. But I was scared. When I finally did it, it was pretty late. Fortunately, not too late, but still late. This is the only thing I kind of blame myself for. Now, it is a big lesson for me. Never underestimate the red flags. It might be very scary, but it is going to prevent you from long-term suffering.

The only thing you have is the present (it is a cliché but it's so true).

The other day I was waiting in the hospital for a check-up. I had some doubts about whether everything was going fine or not. I was again, a little bit scared because I didn't know what the doctors would say. At this moment, I told myself that we, people, are so stupid sometimes. We live either in the past, either in the future. Kinda never in the present, although, it is everything we have. I started looking at the people waiting with me and I thought to myself : “Girl, this is what you have now. Take it. Everything else is just an illusion. It is not real. This moment right here in this waiting room, is the real sh*t.” So, try to focus on the present. We don't know the future and we will never do. There is no point in stressing about it. The past is in the past. You are not this person anymore. This was you in the past. Our past does not define us. We are the present. Only the present.

We are the creators of our problems.

Most of our problems are irrelevant. The rapport that we have to write and we don't know where to start from, the promotion we want but somebody else will get, the mess at home, the dinner that we don't want to cook, the too small apartment, the too old car, the jacket that we have been wearing for the last 5 months, the people's opinion, the bad hair day, the pimple on our face... We are capable to stress about so many small things that we completely forget to see the big picture. We stress over a promotion when at least we have a job and others don't have any. We don't know what to cook for dinner when at least we have some food to eat and others don't have any. Our apartment is too small, at least we have a shelter and a roof above our heads, others live on the streets. The hair, the pimple, the clothing... man, tiny ridiculous, irrelevant not even issues knowing that our planet is dying. We people love drama. Stop wasting your precious energy for that and use it to see the bright side of the things. Focus on your physical and mental health, on your relationship with yourself and your loved ones and stop worrying about everything else. It is going to be fine!

Challenging times are always a wake-up call.

After my surgery, I had to stay home for a whole month. I couldn't do any physical activity except of going to the grocery store and having a walk once or twice a day. I had a lot of time to think about the whole situation, about my life, my priorities... Normally, challenging times come to our lives to show us that something is not right, something have to change... we have to change. During my healing time, I realized that I was working too much, I was exhausted wanting to do everything, I was criticizing everything, I was too focused on the outer world than on the inner, I didn't know how to tolerate opinions different than mine, I wasn't appreciating enough the things and the people I had in my life. Challenges come to ground us. To make us see what is really important and who we truly are. They are a wake-up call saying : “This is not your path. Calm down and see clearly what is happening within you and as a result of it, out of you as well.”

So, from now on when something “difficult” comes to your life as an uninvited guest, ask yourself : “Is it really uninvited?” In most of the cases, you sent to it many invitations without even knowing. So, sit down, close your eyes, breath and remember when you sent these damn invitations.

Learn your lesson.

The challenge is not going to leave your house, body, mind until you learn the lesson it came to teach you. We can never know if it will completely go away or it will come back, but at least we could change our perception of it. Now, I am constantly, every single day, trying to learn my lessons from my surgery. Some days are easier than others, but the fact that I am trying, I am willing to do the work, makes me stay positive. I am still a bit scared when I go to the doctor, but now I know that I do it for myself and my health. No matter what happens, I feel more than ever that I care about myself and my health.

We are stronger than we think we are.

Hell yes! Unfortunately, we often understand it too late. Probably, it is normal to be this way. How could we know the ups when we don't know the downs? Impossible. Life is a wheal of fortune – it makes circles and sometimes we are at the top and sometimes, at the bottom. We must always remember that we are all here for a reason. This life must have a meaning, right? For me its meaning is to make us evolve as souls. Not as people, but as souls. Build a strong character! Never give up! Take responsibility for your own shit and destroy self-pity and victim mentality. They are really not sexy!

Have faith and remember that the universe has your back.

I don't know if you believe in the universal laws of attraction, or maybe you believe in God or something else. Actually, it does not matter. You must always, always, always, believe that everything happens for the best and the “bad thing” will turn out to be a “great thing”. You don't have to know how it will happen, you just have to know that it will happen. Do not question it. Just know it.

Whatever it happens, you will be fine.

I was in conscious during my surgery. Honestly, it was not fun. I was aware of everything – the doctors, everything they were saying/doing... However, during the surgery, I started thinking about all the great things and people I had in my life. I also started imagining my life in the case the surgery was not successful. It was very scary. Then, I told myself : “Honey, life continues and you must try to take the best out of it. You must live it to its fullest. No matter how, no matter in what conditions. You don't have any other choice. This is not going to ruin your whole life. You must be fine no matter what.”

Our only and ultimate choice in life must always be happiness. Always. In its every form, shape and taste. Sometimes, it is difficult to see happiness as a possible outcome of a situation, but I believe that maybe if we see the situation from a different angle and we will see it.

Be your true authentic self. You don't have time to lose.

People's opinion is really not important at all. Thinking about what people would say is so draining. I can not even think of it. After my surgery I realized that I didn't have time nor energy to be someone I was not. It is purely pointless. I am happy with the person I am and those who don't like me could find someone else to like. I don't care. I am not a people pleaser. If I don't feel like doing something, I just don't do it. If I don't feel like going out with someone, I just don't waste my time. If someone doesn't want me, I leave. I am not chasing anyone or anything. I am not living in a fantasy world where I “would like to be” someone... I AM this someone. I have one life and I want to live it as I want. My authenticity is my happiness. It is my freedom.

What does "authentic" mean?

This is why you must stop comparing to people and start living your own authentic life.

Be grateful for everything you have right now.

Since my surgery, I adopted a practice – everyday before falling asleep, I am being thankful for everything and everyone I have in my life, for the great possibility to see people, colors, smiles, the sun, the threes, my face in the mirror, the food that I eat. I am grateful for the job that I have, for my apartment, for my amazing parents, friends and colleagues, for all the beauty I am constantly seeing each day. Gratitude is maybe one of the greatest lessons I’ve learned after my surgery. We always want more and more forgetting that we have enough. Let's be grateful for this “enough”. Let's be happy with the “enough” we have because it could be way worse. Imagine you lose even the “enough” you have now. Life is unpredictable and it could change any moment. So, don't waste your time in thinking about the future or the past, but be here and enjoy the moment. This is the only thing you have. This moment right now, sitting and reading this. And be grateful that you have Internet and seeing eyes so you could read it. :)

When it comes to health, we are all the same.

The other day when I was in the hospital for my check-up, I was observing the people in the waiting room. There were people from different cultures, ages, people who were alone and others with theirs loved ones. I suddenly thought to myself : “We are all the same. If we are here, we are all the same. Some of us were born in rich countries and others in poor ones, some of us have more money than others, but we are all here right now at the same place waiting for the same thing.” Here I must say that I live in France where everybody could go to the doctor even if they don't have a lot of money, which is certainly not the case in many other countries in the world. So, I am truly grateful to live here and to have access to medical help whenever I need it. However, my point is that, we are all humans and in the face of health, we have the same vulnerability and scarcity of the unknown, the same doubts and hopes. Culture, sex, opinions and achievements don't really matter when we have a health issue. All it matters is how we handle the situation.

Difficult times are here to put our character on a trial. They make us realize that nothing else is important. If we are healthy, we can do whatever we want. No matter what you are going through right now, try to take the best out of it and believe that better times are coming towards you. Take care. Love, Elena