How is “being weak” making you “becoming strong”? The power of being vulnerable.

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When I was a child, I was capable to start crying for everything. Really everything! Someone tells me I am stupid – I cry. Someone makes a joke about me – I cry. Someone criticizes me – I cry a lot. Someone tells me not to do what I was doing – I was again crying. I was getting hurt very easily, extremely easily. I was an extremely sensitive child who could not handle any negative comment or behavior. I don't know why I was like that. Maybe this is just my nature. This is how I was and I needed, as a grown-up, to accept it and to work a lot on it so I could have a “normal” life with less crying. Today, I am still this extremely sensitive person but, of course, with time and age, I became tougher. I don't cry and don't get hurt all the time. Some people even think that I never get hurt... which makes me laugh. I do get hurt but I just don't show it all the time like I used to. I keep it for myself and for the closest people I have.

I remember when I was a teenager I decided to make a change. People were noticing how highly sensitive I was and how easily I was getting hurt, and they were using this against me – they would make fun of me, they would be aggressive... it's like seeing me hurt was entertaining for them. Then, I decided to never ever cry anymore in front of other people. I was 14. I can not count the times when I was saying to myself “Don't cry! Don't cry! Hold up! You are soon getting home and then, you will cry! Not now!”. I didn't want to show others my weaknesses, my feelings, my emotions. I wanted to keep them for myself.

I was in control.

I freezed myself to the world. I was still smiling and having fun, but inside I was numb. I was not talking to anyone about how I was truly feeling. My parents and friends were telling me that I never share personal things with them. And they were right. Every time I shared something, I regretted it immediately. I was feeling ashamed, stupid, weak. I thought I had made a huge mistake. I couldn't understand why people always say “Talk it out, it helps”. For me it was the opposite. I was feeling worse after sharing something personal.

However, I realized this is not how we build strong and fulfilling relationships. By not sharing your feelings, hopes, dreams, emotions, fears we become cold, distant, unavailable for love and friendship. We become numb. We are negative, lonely and most of all scared. We are not capable to receive nor to give love. We build a wall between us and the rest of the world. We think that this wall will protect us when it actually destroys us. We think that this is our power when it is our weakness. We think that this is our freedom when it is actually our prison.

Being vulnerable is hard. Very hard. It takes courage to take down the wall.

Many people think that being vulnerable and showing your feelings is “being weak”. Especially men, who have been taught for centuries that they have to be strong, powerful, resilient, that they don't have to cry, that they don't have to say what they feel. They don't get hurt. They are MEN. Well, they do get hurt. They are humans. Getting hurt, wanting to cry, feeling lost, feeling betrayed is human. We all feel this way at least once in our life. These are normal feelings that every person no matter their gender, their social or cultural background feels in different situations.

I know that it is very scary to show our emotions and to say how we truly feel. It is scary to cry in front of other people. It is scary to say that we are hurt because that means that whatever happened mattered to us. Society makes us want to be someone we are not. Our life is perfect, our job is perfect, our relationships are perfect... we love everything about our life and we don't want to change anything. Well, I think that even if some people adore their life (I hope these are the majority of people on the world but I doubt it), that doesn't mean that they don't get hurt and they don't have fears. You just don't know about them.

Sometimes we fool ourselves and think that we are ok with some things, with some behaviors when we are actually not. We are scared to say that some things matter to us. We are scared to admit that we want a committed relationship in the era of hookups. We are scared to say that someone's opinion matters to us because this is how we say that this person is important to us.

Showing your true self, your true desires, your deepest fears is frightening. This is your soul. This is your inner child that you want to protect from the cruel world. Being vulnerable is showing your soul to the world. Exposing your inner child to the bullets. It might get hurt! It will get hurt. But if you are strong enough, it will recover. What is the medicine?

Faith.

Faith that something better is coming out of this. Faith that this is just a lesson and our wounds show us where we still have things to learn. Faith that what we are feeling right now is just temporary. It will go away and our inner child will smile again.

How is being vulnerable making you strong?

It is funny, but by actually being weak we become stronger than ever.

Vulnerability makes you put away your ego.

Your ego is this little powerful thing that wants you to keep your guard, to build your walls. It is not necessarily a bad thing. Sometimes, it will protect you, it will make you think about yourself and your personal desires and happiness in order to feel happy and fulfilled in your life. But sometimes, it will also keep you from doing things that will make you go out of your comfort zone. It will make you believe that some things make you look silly, ridiculous, weak, powerless, without authority when it is actually false and it is all in your mind.

When we are being vulnerable, we have to fight with our ego. We know that we will be weak, powerless, without any authority... naked with our heart and soul. Maybe we will be ridiculous and silly to some people, but this is who we truly are. And we are all ridiculous and silly sometimes. But remember one thing – we are never ridiculous or silly when we are being vulnerable!

Our soul is fragile and strong at the same time. And so are humans – we could be both fragile and strong. We are not silly. We are being brave. Open about our wounds and fears. Facing what is frightening. It is a call to be accepted as we are – sometimes clumsy, scared, stupid, imperfect. (You can check this article Be smart and stop trying to be perfect). Accepting the fact that nobody is perfect, that you are not perfect is brave. That doesn't mean that you don't want to become a better version of yourself. It means that no matter how much you work on yourself, you know that you will always have lessons to learn. And this is what makes life so amazing – learning about ourselves and the world never ends! It is a work in progress all the time.

It takes courage to be ok with who you truly are and to share it with someone else. Yes, sometimes people laugh because I say the world “adorable” way too often, I get excited too quickly by small things, I laugh too much and sometimes I speak too laud... This is me. This is how I express myself. At the beginning it was not easy to open up like that to the people I meet in my life. Showing who I truly am and not being scared of it was a difficult lesson to learn. It was even more difficult to learn that if someone doesn't like me the way I am, this has nothing to do with me and has much more to do with them. Not everybody will like us and this is fine.

We all have wounds and being vulnerable makes us open up about them. This also makes the other person listening to us feel more comfortable and open up about themselves as well. Nobody wants to be around someone who thinks knowing everything and is the perfect human being on the planet. Often, people think that celebrities or successful people have perfect lives and are extremely happy, that they have “their shit together”. This is not always right and this is why we love when they open up publicly about struggles, fears and challenges they have experienced. This is how we relate to them. This reminds us that when the mask is down, they are normal people like everybody else.

Being vulnerable is the only way we can show our love for another person. We can keep it alive and make it grow. What is the secret ingredient?

Trust.

We trust the people we love. We trust that they accept us as we are. We trust them that even if we do something bad, they will forgive us and still love us. We trust them that they will be willing to help us if we go through a difficult moment. We trust them that when they see our inner child, they won't get scared and won't go away. We trust them that they will not judge us. We trust them that they will not laugh at our weaknesses but instead, they will be supportive and will help us to overcome them. Together.

Vulnerability is what makes relationships strong, sustainable and fulfilling.

We can not create a strong bond with another person if we don't share anything personal with them, if we always hide our true self, if we always pretend to be someone else. When you can show yourself, when you destroy the wall you have built, you actually make an affirmation to the world : “This is who I am. If you accept me, this is great, if not this great as well.” Some people will love us and some will laugh at us. The point is to know our self worth, to be sure about it and to not let those who laugh question it. Learn how to be more open about your struggles. We all have them, no matter how it looks from the outside. Accept that this is a part of the journey and you are learning. Like everybody else. Sometimes people freak out and do things that look villain. Say it. Do not be ashamed of what you have done. We don't know what we would have done if we were at your place.

I often talk about making the world a better place, making a difference, being responsible and making conscious choices. I believe that the world needs more than ever people who know how to be vulnerable with others, who show theirs emotions, who are not scared to cry in front of someone else, who open up about theirs difficult times and share them with the rest of the world. Why? Because, this is how we help and support people. This is how we tell them they are not alone. This is how we let them a little more in our universe. This is how our weaknesses are actually becoming our powers. This is how we make an impact – on people and on the world. This is how we leave a trace in people's minds... and hearts. This is how we build an emotional connection. This is how the world will remember us. This is how we will feel free of prejudice and false beliefs about ourselves. This is how we learn and grow. This is how we nourish your soul and our life. Let it be a meaningful one. Love, Elena