Why are negative people the best teachers?

Photo by Yeshi Kangrang on Unsplash

Let's face it – some people are just complicated. They are always angry, unhappy, mean, ready to argue and of course, it is all your fault. Sometimes it is really challenging to deal with this kind of people, especially on a daily basis. They “eat” your energy, they just take it away from you leaving you feeling exhausted even after 10 minutes in their company.

I had to experience this today. Again. And it was not fun at all. I was feeling it coming because I have worked with this particular person in the past and it was hell and now, we still have to work together and it is still hell. I felt so powerless and weak and at the same time my “fight mode” was on (something that I don't like at all, I am always the chill person) but I just did not know how to react to the yelling, the judging... She was so angry, telling me that my work was crap... such a negative and destructive way to talk to someone.

In this kind of situations I always find myself asking the questions “Why do these people act like that? Why are they so angry? Who are they angry with?”. I just don't get it. My mind can not really understand how someone could talk to another human being in a such disrespectful way. Actually, I don't think this person is really angry with me. She is angry with herself and I am just the person taking all the crap. The truth is that even though I know that, it is still difficult to face her once in a while and work with her and try to do a good job. Last year I was even considering quitting my job because of her (at this time we were working together everyday).

Being empathetic?

So do I have to be empathetic? Do I have to tell myself “She is just an old angry lady who thinks that everything other people do is crap because she has her own personal issues. Don't take it personal. Her anger is not for you, is for herself”. Even though I always try to be empathetic and try to understand why people act in a certain way, try not to judge them, understand their pain and try to put yourself in theirs shoes, it is just so hard to even talk to someone who is permanently negative and trying to low your self-esteem by telling you how you suck in everything you do.

Who's fault?

Sometimes I ask myself if these (negative) people understand what their impact on other individuals is. How they can literally put someone into depression, like in my case. I don't think that my “chick” was aware of the pain and the suffering I went trough because of her.

Or was it because of her or it was because of me? Yes, she was, still is, a big pain in the ass, but the way I react to her anger and negativity is my own business that has nothing to do with her. It is my job to protect myself from these negative people. It is my responsibility to look after my mental health and don't let other people bring me down. It is my job!

The possible consequences.

This kind of people could be a real thread to the others. It is mentally exhausting being in their company, listening to their negative thoughts. This is one of the reasons why people go through stuff like burn-out and depression. This is a real problem! When you have to interact with such people every day, especially because of your work, it is really hard to continue enjoying what you are doing. I really like my job but doing it with her, is the most horrible experience ever.

What now?

So did I have to quit my job because of her? Honestly, if I had to work every single day with this lady, maybe I would have done it. And that would have been the stupidest thing I have ever done in my life until now. I knew back then that I would regret this decision. Do not do anything for anyone but yourself! If you want to quit your job, do it because you don't like it anymore or you found something better or whatever, but you and only you have to be the root of this decision, not another person.

The truth is that we are going to meet difficult people during our whole life, no matter where we go, no matter where we hide. So we have to learn how to deal with them. Changing the job, the town, the country is just escaping from the real problem. Escaping from one person, but another one just like them is waiting for you somewhere else. I know that and god... it is still difficult to stick to this idea and not forget it! Nobody says it is going to be easy!

What about the teachers?

Negative people can very easily put us out of balance and show us a part of ourselves that we don't even know existed. When I think of that, I realize that they are actually our teachers. They show us who we really are. It is very easy to be “the perfect person” when everything is going well in your life. But it is far more challenging to stay a “good person” when things are fucked up. It is easy to be happy when everything is good but it is so difficult when everything seems like falling apart. And this is the real deal! This is the real brutal challenge of life.

Accept your negative feelings and let them go.

Life is not always happy, easy and full of pleasure and joy. Life can suck sometimes. People can suck. You too can suck from time to time. But this is life. It is not perfect and it will never be. We can't be happy all the time and we can't like everybody, and everybody is not going to like us. And it is fine. It is OK to be in a bad mood sometimes. Acknowledge it. Feel your pain, feel your anger, feel your fear and then, let it go. Do the best you can do in any situation! For many people it is not going to be enough, but you have to know that “enough” is relative, like everything in life. Don't do things for other people, do them for yourself! Nobody is going to give you credit because you did something for them. Be selfish, in a good healthy way.

Last year, I was not selfish enough. I was thinking too much of how to show this person that I am doing a good job. I was looking for her approval because I was thinking that I was doing something wrong. The truth is that maybe I was doing something wrong but it was my mistake that I let someone make me feel bad about myself and about my skills. I was weak, vulnerable, fragile, even miserable.

When I think back of this time, I realize that it was not her not believing in me and in my work, it was me not believing in myself and in my work. I was not sure about what I was doing and if I was doing it right. I was not sure about my skills. I was not sure if I was at the right place. She was just the person making my insecurities come out.

Today, I decide, even if it is going to be super hard, to be strong and to not let her and not let myself again ruin my days, my nights and my self-esteem. This is just not happening again! I can do better than the first time, we all can. I know that these (negative) people are great teachers. They really show you your true self.

I remember how last year I was even thinking that maybe I hate her. Yes, I know it is a horrible thing to say, but I was feeling so much pain and anger that I started asking myself this question. I didn't know the feelings I was having. I was feeling such low self-esteem for the first time in my life. I was having so many bad feelings and thoughts for another human being for the first time. Maybe I was really hating her for a while. Or maybe I was also hating me.

I know that I have to work on that. We learn every single day something new about ourselves and the world. It is tough to see the big picture when you are still in the act but I am sure that one day I am going to bless this individual for being such a b**** to me and for showing me what person I do not want to become. I hope though that she will find her happiness and she could live in peace with herself, facing her own fears and accepting them.

Nothing is personal.

This life is a crazy roller-coaster. Everybody is dealing with their own sh*t. People are very self-centered and in many cases, nothing is personal. People are so busy thinking about their stuff that often they don't even know they hurt your feelings.

The moral of the story is that negative people, unfortunately, are everywhere and we are going to meet lots of them. So it is not their responsibility to think about your feelings and your self-esteem, it is yours. Your life, your feelings, your confidence is completely your business. Don't try to hide or run away from these people, try to work on yourself so one day they could not have any negative impact on you. Change your vision's angle and see them as a mirror. They are in your life to show you on what you still have to work so you could become a better person. Take this experience as a lesson and not as a curse. You know, everything happens for a reason. And the negative person being in you life right now and fooling you around, is here for a reason. If you look at the “problem” from this side, this is not a problem anymore, it is a blessing in disguise. You are on your way to become a better human being. Peace, Elena